I need to rave

This is the kind of night when I just want to either submit really long paragraphs as my 'Status updates" on Facebook or just keep entering one 'status update' after another, which makes me think that it's time to blog.

Blog.

I obviously feel the need to write, to express myself and to connect with others.

I am so tired. I am scared of how tired I feel and I just pray that I can have a good night's sleep tonight and wake up feeling fine tomorrow.

This week is going to be tough. Still tired from jetlag and the shock of how I found out my friend had died, I have to push on, through the tiredness to visit, to reflect and to spend time crafting and compiling her funeral service. Once I have completed this latter task and feel satisfied with what I have created, I think I will feel better.

Naively, perhaps, I am feeling okay at present about the actual day. A bit like how flying is better than preparing to fly. Of course it will still be a hard day. No walk in the park but I think for the funeral itself I will manage because I believe it is my task to manage and to be strong for those who come to the funeral, especially the family and close friends. Being strong and in control is my gift to them and somehow, I really don't know how exactly, I am able to do that. I believe it is a gift from God and/or a skill I developed during my ministry formation for the sake of those I care for and minister to.

But 5pm on Wednesday I expect to be spent and the question is how long I will feel that way before I feel 'normal' again.

At this stage I am planning to attend a creative spirituality space with a speaker on the 'Enneagram' and I am hoping that I do feel up to this because I love the 'Enneagram' and I have also wanted to attend this particular space for a few months.

I have booked my son to cook dinner Wednesday night on the assumption that I will indeed be tired so that feels like good self-care and good forward planning.

Thursday I will be at my Playgroup. I am excited about that. I have missed them. They won't be expecting me because they think I am on leave so I will hopefully pleasantly surprise them.

Thursday afternoon I might go visit my friend's parents and see how they are doing after the funeral.

Thursday night I have booked a massage for little ol' me, which I had forgotten about until now. How wonderful is that to look forward to?

Friday is my day off and I think I will need it and Friday arvo I will see two close friends and our 'pyjama party weekend' will begin. Yay! I am so looking forward to this. DVDs, talking, music, op shopping, food, drink, laughter, connecting and catching up.

Worst case scenario, if I end the week feeling like 'Humpty Dumpty' I hope they will help put me back together again. And if they feel like Humpty too we can all put each other back together again. Isn't that what friends are for?

I haven't seen one friend for about two and half months, the other for 6 weeks so I can't wait to see them again. I have instructed them to look after themselves this week so that they stay well and in fit condition to see me because right now it's all about me. Well, only joking. Well, only joking a bit. I mean they want to see me too, right? And each other. So it's in their interest to look after themselves as well as in mine.

Anyway, it is now 10:10pm and time for me to try to go to sleep.

I have finished my decaff tea - I just couldn't come at camomile tonight - and some nougat so now it's time to get ready for bed and sleep.

Thanks for enduring my 'rave on avon stream of consciousness', assuming you are still reading and haven't zoomed off to another blog or your pillow.

I might just try to dance in the moonlight this weekend as a toast to my dear friend and to life and its preciousness.

Gently gently

Blessings from she whose name means 'belonging to the moon' and Oh, I do love the moon.