A 'Hurt Jar', source of Transformative Healing?

A while ago someone shared with me how they were having trouble letting go of their memories of being hurt. They had forgiven the people who had hurt them quite easily, for which they were grateful, and for stretches of time they were free of the hurt they had experienced, but they weren’t able to completely let it go. Occasionally, they found themselves picking over their memories of being hurt, a bit like a child picking at a scab on their knee, interrupting the healing that is taking place. After this conversation, I found myself asking lots of questions.

How do we let go of hurts and move on? How do we successfully walk away from things that hurt us and choose not to keep re-visiting them? Is it important to do so? How long before we can be free of pain from experiences that wound us? I found some help, if not complete answers, from Franciscan priest, Richard Rohr, who encourages us to sit with pain in order to learn from it.

In one of his blogs, Rohr wrote: “We shouldn’t try to get rid of our own pain until we’ve learned what it has to teach. When we can hold our pain consciously and trustfully (and not project it elsewhere), we find ourselves in a very special liminal space. Here we are open to learning and breaking through to a much deeper level of faith and consciousness. Please trust me on this. We must all carry the cross of our own reality until God transforms us through it. These are the wounded healers of the world, and healers who have fully faced their wounds are the only ones who heal anyone else.” - Blog: ‘Transforming Pain’, Wednesday, October 17, 2018, Fr. Richard Rohr, OFM, https://cac.org/transforming-pain-2018-10-17/ So staying with our pain serves a positive role. Our pain can teach us important lessons and deepen our faith and awareness. And enable us to offer healing to others. That’s one way we can ‘strive to be like Jesus’, so that is desirable! However, Rohr does not encourage us to dwell on pain in the sense of being a victim and allowing it to become our identity and to make us bitter and self-centred. “It has been acceptable for some time in America to remain "wound identified" (that is, using one's victimhood as one's identity, one's ticket to sympathy, and one's excuse for not serving), instead of using the wound to "redeem the world," as we see in Jesus and many people who turn their wounds into sacred wounds that liberate both themselves and others.” -Richard Rohr, ‘Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life.’ Rohr makes the above reflection specifically about America but I think his point can equally be applied to any Western, affluent country, not least Australia. A key word in Rohr’s quote seems to be ‘remain’. Rohr writes with disapproval of remaining fixated on our hurts and wounds and remaining focused on them in a self-centred way. Instead, having learnt from what has wounded or hurt us, Rohr wants us to use those hurts, those wounds, to offer healing and redemption to others. He writes of turning our wounds into ‘sacred wounds’ that bring liberation and freedom to others as well as ourselves. This is awesome and inspiring but how can we be sure that we are processing our wounds in ways that make them sacred and healing for others and ourselves? How do we avoid becoming self-absorbed and focussing on our hurts in unhelpful, non-productive ways, ways that take us and others away from the Way of Love and Life? To be honest, I have more questions than answers about this so I am open to hearing your ideas and to reading more about this important topic. But I did come up with the idea of a ‘Hurt Jar.’ I thought it might help people to let go of their hurts and to return to being focussed on the needs of others. It could help us to ‘strive to be like Jesus’. Using Rohr’s terminology, it might help our wounds become ‘sacred’, setting others as well as ourselves free.

So, what is a ‘Hurt Jar’? It is a glass jar that can sit next to our ‘Gratitude Jar’, if we have one. (I have written before about a ‘Gratitude Jar, not my idea but one I recommend.’) With a ‘Hurt Jar’, we can write down what we are feeling hurt about and put it in the jar. At the end of every month, or week or day if you prefer, we can empty the jar without reading what is in there, thus avoiding dwelling on the hurt. As with a ‘Gratitude Jar’, the ritual of making time to write down the hurt and place it into a ‘Hurt Jar’ can be a more effective form of catharsis than sitting with our hurt feelings unexpressed or only expressed verbally, rather than in written form. Writing our hurt, rather than keeping it inside us, or expressing it verbally to someone else, might help us to see it differently, to gain perspective and fresh insight. Writing our hurts down, writing about our wounds and placing them in a sealed jar and later putting them into the bin, physically takes the wound, the hurt, out of us and places it away from us. As we use through this process, we can make a prayer that God will take this hurt from us and help us to move on without it. We can pray that God will help us learn from the hurt and transform our wound into a ‘sacred wound, a source of healing and liberation for us and for others. I am a great fan of Jesus’ advice to the disciples to shake the dust off their feet when they are not welcomed and listened to and move on. “11 When you come to a town or village, go in and look for someone who is willing to welcome you, and stay with them until you leave that place. 12 When you go into a house, say, ‘Peace be with you.’ 13 If the people in that house welcome you, let your greeting of peace remain; but if they do not welcome you, then take back your greeting. 14 And if some home or town will not welcome you or listen to you, then leave that place and shake the dust off your feet.” (Matthew 10:11-14, Good News Bible) Shaking dust off your feet to symbolise not taking those who won’t welcome you or listen to you with you, to show that you are moving on, free of their inhospitality, is tactile, grounded and practical. I think Jesus knew the value of symbolic and practical action and ritual. I reckon Jesus understood it was far more powerful and effective than just expressing our experiences verbally. My idea of a ‘Hurt Jar’ ritual is also practical and grounded. I believe it will be far more effective than just articulating our hurts, our wounds, verbally. I hope that using a ‘Hurt Jar’ will provide people with a helpful way of shaking off negative experiences, enabling people to be free of them and to move on without them. I think Jesus would approve! Most of all, I hope that the concept of a ‘Hurt Jar’ aids and abets the healing of hurts and the transformation Rohr describes as wounds becoming ‘sacred’, a means by which our experiences of hurt are transformed and used to provide liberation to others as well as ourselves, to provide liberation for all of creation. This is my prayer.

Being gentle and creative


Epistle 7 from Cynthia,
Ministry in the time of the 2020 Coronavirus

Hi, how are you? Did you make time for something gentle, nurturing and/or fun today? I did, thanks be to God, because I often don't.

I had a long phone conversation with a precious friend that was overdue while l walked 5 km. That was lovely.

It took me until 5:45 p.m. to make time to paint but l did. Today my inner critic turned up but l persevered anyway and l quite like what l have created. I can't wait to see what it looks like when it's dry.

And l now need to buy more paint. This is a new outcome for me and l like it.

Despite my inner critic's presence, l enjoyed myself. Painting, or any other leisure activity, isn't just about achieving something impressive. It's about the experience, noticing what we like and don't like and enjoying ourselves.

I can already see bits I want to improve and that excites me so much because it tells me I am beginning to think more like a 'real artist', who knows that creations happen over ages and are not a 'one off' effort.

How about you? What would you like to share about your day?

BTW, l also did some 'policy work' thinking and collaboration re our core and terribly important Food & Care program, some poignant pastoral care, taught one of you how to use Zoom and discovered I'm quite good at that, and did more worship prep. for tomorrow with my mate, aka husband, Brian - a full and satisfying day, even if I had aimed to do no work at all.

Will I see you on Zoom tomorrow morning (9 for 9:30) or tomorrow evening (6 for 6:30)? Absolutely no pressure but you're very welcome to join us.

Remember, Merrill will be singing two songs tomorrow morning. About 9:15 a.m. Thanks so much Merrill.

Remember daylight saving ends tonight so we need to put our clocks back an hour before we go to bed tonight. You don’t need to change your mobile phones, just your normal clocks. And we get an extra hour’s sleep which is way cool.

Go gently and be kind to yourself, whatever you choose to do.

Let me close with a Scottish Blessing:
May the blessing of light be on you
- light without and light within.
May the blessed sunlight shine on you like a great peat fire, so that stranger and friend may come and warm himself at it.
And may light shine out of the two eyes of you, like a candle set in the window of a house, bidding the wanderer come in out of the storm.
And may the blessing of the rain be on you, may it beat upon your Spirit and wash it fair and clean, and leave there a shining pool where the blue of Heaven shines, and sometimes a star.

And may the blessing of the earth be on you, soft under your feet as you pass along the roads, soft under you as you lie out on it, tired at the end of day; and may it rest easy over you when, at last, you lie out under it.
May it rest so lightly over you that your soul may be out from under it quickly; up and off and on its way to God.
And now may the Lord bless you, and bless you kindly. Amen.

Remember I care for you and I am here for you. Please call me if you want. I am NOT too busy.

Fondly,
Cynthia

I’m going on a bearhunt…small but significant pleasures.

Epistle 6, Ministry in the time of the 2020 Coronavirus.

Tuesday, March 31st, 2020

Hi everyone,
It’s a few days since I wrote you but hopefully you read my message in the Newsletter.

How are you going?

I ended my day in good spirits after spending the afternoon at our Food & Care program, which went well. We had oodles of bread and adequate amounts of everything else.

We miss being able to serve Sherri’s highly sought after quiche and Di’s yummy cake with cuppas and being able to encourage people to sit and chat but people understand that is all on hold for a while.

And Jenny surprised the volunteers with cakes and slices so we took time to have a cuppa and treat, while sitting well apart.

After we closed, I needed a rest, so I had a liquorice tea and put my feet up for a bit.

Then I decided that I needed to put my gorgeous teddy bear in the window of our church so that EUC can contribute to the community through having a bear for children to see if they are doing the now global activity: A Bear Hunt Scavenger Walk.

I can’t believe how much pleasure it gave me to do this and I hope that those who see my cute bear’s face in our church window will receive pleasure too.

The Bear Hunt Scavenger Walk has become popular since the coronavirus.

Children go looking for teddy bears in the windows of people’s homes.

If you have a teddy bear at home, you might like to place it in your front window and help give children pleasure too.

The hunts are inspired by Michael Rosen’s 1989 children’s book "We’re Going on a Bear Hunt," which opens with the lines,

"We’re going on a bear hunt
We’re going to catch a big one
What a beautiful day!
We’re not scared."

To make a difference, to give to others doesn’t require huge actions or a lot of expense. Small actions that might seem like nothing to us can mean so much to others.

Anyway, it’s got late so I need to sign off and go to sleep.

Stay safe and well. Hold onto hope. And if you are out walking, look for teddy bears in windows!

Until next time, may you be at peace.

A blessing:
Circle me, Lord.
Keep protection near
and danger afar.
Circle me, Lord,
keep hope within.
Keep doubt without.
Circle me, Lord.
Keep light near
and darkness afar.
Circle me, Lord.
Keep peace within.
Keep evil out. © david adam

Fondly,
Cynthia

Being creative; our divine calling.

Epistle 5 from Cynthia, Ministry in the time of the 2020 Coronavirus.

March 26th, 3p.m.

How are you all today? Have you been able to get outside to enjoy the sun? I hope so.

I’m trying to go slower today and take some time off to breathe and chill.

I felt afraid in the night about what will unfold with this virus so I decided that today I would try to do some fork calligraphy.

I had seen examples of this on Facebook (FB) and wanted to give it a try.

The artist on FB made success seem like a sure thing but I couldn’t manage it. No matter how much paint I loaded the fork with, I could not get the paint to spread as the artist had.

What to do? Rather than give up, I decided to move onto finger painting, which was a most pleasant experience. And as I played and experimented, I became increasingly happy with my creative endeavours. I’m posting my final painting which is a reworking of my first attempt.

I found that by doing a combination of finger painting, swirling, dabbing and splatting I achieved a result I loved. I’m not sure, you understand, that these are recognised artistic techniques, but that’s how I can best describe what I did. In the end it felt like a form of dancing!

We worship the One who we believe is our Creator, who is endlessly creative and creating: -
“I made the earth, and created humankind upon it; it was my hands that stretched out the heavens, and I commanded all their host.” (Isaiah Chapter 45, verses 12)

“For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with gratitude.”
(First Timothy, Chapter 4, Verse 4)

The creativity of God is evident to us every day. As I have been writing this, I have observed beautiful, tiny birds, including a blue wren and the most minute wee bird that I think is some kind of robin. He is so tiny that it is hard to be sure what kind of bird he is, but I saw some pale red circle on his face. I have also seen a tiny gecko. Oh yes, God is creative and delightful.

As we are made in God’s image, that creativity is in us and I’m sure God wants us to make time to use that creativity.

While I espouse this theology, I rarely practice it. Maybe these times of social distancing and self-isolation might help all of us to honour God’s creativity in us by making time to explore our creativity. There are many ways to be creative.

These are hard and trying times and we will do well to make time for the things that nourish our souls and give us hope. Please make sure you do this.

Go gently.

It is also a good time for us to go more slowly. May we find we can do that, and may we find delight in it.

As this day continues, may you be aware of the presence of God, creative, active, loving and generous.

May the peace of our Lord be with you.

May we be able, through God’s creative and loving presence in and with us, to show God’s love to others.
May we be ready for the ways that God will come to us in others, people we know, people we don’t. People we expect to see God in and people we don’t.


God IS creative and God will surprise us IF we are open to that possibility.

That we know this, expect it and recognise it is my prayer.

Fondly,
Cynthia

What really matters

Epistle 4 from Cynthia, Ministry in the time of the 2020 coronavirus.

Wednesday, March 25th, midday.

How are you today? How are you holding up, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, physically? I hope you are doing okay. If you aren’t, please ask for help. We are all going to need the help of others to get through this scary, unprecedented season.

Today, what’s on my heart is that in Australia, we haven’t and we aren’t doing all we could to keep people safe from the coronavirus.

You may not agree with me but what I have observed and am observing is a lack of decisive action to slow this virus down.

In Prime Minister, Scott Morrison’s speech last night there was a mixed message.

And my overall conclusion is that the Australian government is choosing economic prosperity over human life.

And as a Christian whose goal in life is to promote life and wellbeing for all, I cannot ignore that and stay quiet.


I am not being political. Politics is the last thing on my mind right now.

What is on my mind is keeping people safe and alive and minimising the number of people falling sick and/or dying from the coronavirus.

So my Epistle today is primarily about that.

I’m sorry if this offends you. I write because I can do no other. I believe we are at crunch time. Right now. We either work together with care or thousands will die. I do not want that and I am sure you don’t either. So I believe we need to help people see the need to stay home and to live with safety as we are being asked.

And personally, I give all those who work in schools permission to stay home.

In times of crisis, we find out what we really value. How? By seeing what we worry about and by seeing what and who we give priority to.

The Scriptures say,
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also…
“No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.”
Matthew Chapter 6, verses 9-21, 24
(New Revised Standard Version)

What is more important to you - your money or God?

What is more important to you – your money or looking out for the common good, especially the vulnerable, as Jesus taught us to and God calls us to?

It seems to me that our Australian Government is prioritising the Australian economy over health, money over people's health and wellbeing, their lives.

I believe this is misguided and not just because people's health, wellbeing and lives should be the first priority of all, especially those who are Christians or Jews or Muslims or a person of another faith.

From my reading of reliable sources, if we put people's health, wellbeing and lives first, we will in fact look after our country's finances at the same time as we protect people's health and lives. How?

If we all bunker down,
stay home as much as we can, that is, virtually all of the time,
maintain social distancing while we are out
and only go out if we are well,
wash hands and surfaces all the time,
we will probably overcome this virus in 3 months instead of 6 and THAT is good for the Australian economy as well as Australians' health and lives.

It makes sense to me.

As a Christian, I am trying to continue to follow the way of Love during this pandemic. That is why I will stay home when I am unwell and stay home as much as possible when I am well.

I am only planning to go out to help serve food to our community and if I am needed because of a crisis.

I encourage you to stay home as much as you can and to care for others while adhering to the recommended safety guidelines.

Go gently.

Exchange fear for hope.

As followers of the Way, we are currently walking towards Jerusalem, towards the cross.

This year, for all of us, it is an unfamiliar walk, a walk laced with fear that Jesus understands.

American writer Angela Mayou wrote, “Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space. Invite one to stay.”

In and through the cross, where weakness and strength co-exist ,and in the empowering reality of the resurrection that we are also walking towards, let us invite hope and evict fear. In the name of Love. As we choose Love together.

This is my prayer.


Go gently but with strength. And hope.

Fondly,
Cynthia
H Hope and fear canno

Epistle 3 from Cynthia,
Ministry in the time of the 2020 Coronavirus

Running a

nd not becoming weary; being raised so we can climb on mountains.

Tuesday, March 24th, 2:30p.m.

Good afternoon everyone, how are you today?

I hope you are well and at peace.

May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be evident to you at all times and give you comfort.

Some of you have written back to me. That was very nice. Thank you very much.

Last night it seemed to take me forever to get to sleep and as I lay awake in bed I thought of the image of the prophet Isaiah about how those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength and rise up with wings like eagles and thought I would share that with you today.

Isaiah Chapter 40, verses 27-31
(New Revised Standard Version)
Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD,
and my right is disregarded by my God”?
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and strengthens the powerless.
Even youths will faint and be weary,
and the young will fall exhausted;
but those who wait for the LORD
shall renew their strength,
they shall rise up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary,
they shall walk and not faint.

These are such strong and inspiring words anytime at all but especially at this time.

God is indeed Creator and endlessly creative. God is always present, seeking out creation with love and desiring the wellbeing of all.

Some of this text makes God sound like Superman! Does God never grow weary or tired? Maybe. Maybe not.

But I do believe and know from my lived experience, as I am sure you do, that God gives power to the faint and strengthens the powerless.

And we can have confidence that if we focus on God, we will be strengthened.

We will find the strength to cope with whatever life brings us.

We will find the capacity to have hope.

We will, in a spiritual and emotional way anyway, rise up like eagles and have the capacity to keep on keeping on.

May we believe this and find comfort in these words of Scripture.

Of course, I couldn’t think of this metaphor from Scripture without thinking of the beautiful song, “You raise us up.” I found this lovely A Cappella version from BYU Vocal Point, a nine-member male group from Brigham Young University, Utah, USA.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcLl0A-lXIc

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. At this time, I give thanks to God for the gift of music and for musicians who are committed to developing their gifts and sharing them with us.

Listening to music that we love can help us to stay in good spirits.

Well, today I am working on worship for this Sunday. I know we can’t meet together in person, but I want to get resources for worship to you one way or the other, even if only in printed form.

Please continue to be careful. If you go out, endeavour to keep 1.5 metre’s distance from other people and wherever you are, wash your hands frequently and try not to touch surfaces, doorknobs etc. We are living in perilous times but doing those practical things being asked of us will make a huge difference.

Until next time, may you be safe.

The blessing of God, Creator, Lover and Free Spirit be with you always and grant you hope and wisdom.

Fondly,
Cynthia

Epistle 2 from Cynthia, Ministry in the time of the 2020 Coronavirus

How are you?

• Please check your breathing. Are you breathing deeply or shallowly?

If the latter, please stand and take some deep and slow breaths and then keep trying to do so.

• Have you had a cuppa and a snack lately? And taken the time to sit and enjoy it. Tenderly and slowly. In my opinion, you have to savour your cuppa and treat it with tenderness. Well, that’s how I feel about my cups of tea anyway. If you haven’t had a drink for a while, please make time for one now.

• Have you spoken with someone today? If not, could you pick up the phone or email a friend or maybe, be really old-fashioned and write someone a letter or note and send it to them via snailmail?

• Have you moved in the last half hour?

(I have to confess I haven’t. Oops!)
Please get up as you are able and move around for a few minutes.

• Have you limited your screen time?

(Oops! I’m guilty again! Do as I say not as I do! But seriously, straight after this post, I am going to get up and go for a 10 minute walk.)
How about getting up and taking a wee stroll, even if for a few minutes or stand and stretch, even if you can’t manage a walk?

Some wisdom and truth from Scripture:
Philippians 4:4-9 (NRSV)
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5 Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. 6 Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.

The Lord IS near. In us and with us, present to us in love. Please open yourselves to receiving God’s presence to us, Father, Son and Holy Spirit or as I like to say, Creator, Redeemer and Life-giving Spirit.

• Have you felt grateful today? Have you rejoiced in the Lord?
As Christians we are asked to do this.

What I’m saying to you is that I’m looking out for you.
Can you please look out for yourself too? Thank you.

Love and Blessings,
Cynthia